Folk Culture

When I was twenty and was living in Bulgaria in the early 80s, having a traditional wedding was a peasant thing no city person would start his family with. I myself was not sure what wedding ceremony I will choose when the time comes. A decade later, my destiny met me with a Dutch man deep in love with Bulgarian folklore and I moved with him to the United States. One day, that remarkable man proposed to me and we started planning our wedding. Being away from my motherland had everything to do with my spontaneous suggestion to have an ethnic ceremony in Bulgaria. Away from home I had found my Bulgarian roots. My husband-to-be agreed with joy, and, here is how Jaap Leepwater and I got married in Western wedding outfits, but according to the Bulgarian folklore customs, with traditional music, and dances.

Pre-wedding Preparations

Several months or weeks before the wedding the engagement according to the folklore tradition in Bulgaria, still in practice, it is a festive meeting of the extended families of the bride and the groom in the bride’s house. Gifts of love and engagement are exchanged within the young couple, and the parents discuss financial and organizational details about the wedding. It is done with music and food on any previously appointed day.

We did it the modern way–announced our betrothal to our families overseas over the phone and went to a restaurant in Mendocino, California–just the two of us. After that, all the details of the wedding preparation were faxed and finalized with our parents, air tickets to Bulgaria and hotel in Plovdiv for Jaap’s family were booked, and we were ready to fly from California to Bulgaria for our wedding.

The Wedding, December 1995

In Bulgaria it is considered that the wedding starts way before the nuptial. According to the old tradition, the preparation of the wedding accessories are festive events. People gather in order to work and have a good time with music and dances. Nowadays, most of the preparation activities are business-like chores people try to squeeze into their busy schedules. Jaap and I wanted to observe the old tradition and tum into celebration as many of the wedding events as possible.

Making of the Wedding Loafs

On Thursday, 2:25 p.m., December 21, Mom ordered two gorgeous traditional round wedding breads with decorations on top and festive cookies in a specialized bakery. We picked them up on the day before the wedding so they were fresh and crispy. Thee two wedding breads were the central pieces of display and amazement during bachelor’s evening on Friday.

Wedding Gown and Suit

On Friday, December 22, 5:45 p.m., after two days of window shopping throughtout the entire city of Plovdiv, Jaap and I knew what we wanted. Fifteen minutes before closing time we invaded a wedding fashion shop and bought my spectacular princess-cut wedding gown and his sand silk burgundy suit. Our wedding clothes were one of the few non-ethnic elements of the happiest day of ours.

On Friday, 6:30 p.m., Jaap and I decided to combine our bachelor’s evenings, which was against any Bulgarian tradition old or contemporary. Jaap was a guest in my country and could not have his own party at his home. He confessed that he has already had enough happy bachelors-like evenings and did not mind joining me and my friends for our party.

So, my parents, Jaap, and I had guest at my parents’ house: my girlfriend, mom’s female neighbors and friends. Upon arriving, everybody engaged in some labor: my mom’s best girlfriends helped out with the cooked whole chicken with paprika for the best man, with the cookies, and the snacks of pastrami, salami, and cheese for the wedding day. My friend Stefka designed the bountonnieres, and joined me for the best man’s tree. My dad got ready a traditional wooden pirogravure covered flask and filled it up with grape brandy he had bought from the best distillery in the country specially for my wedding. I made the wedding flag. After that it took me five minutes to make a new veil out of tulle for myself, but to hem Jaap’s silk pants took me a whole hour. After all the work was finished, we all had a nice party to celebrate with food and music the happy event coming

Making of the Best Man’s Tree

On Friday, at 7 p.m., after the wedding loaves were made, the next important thing to prepare was the so-called Best Man’s Tree. We used fresh boxwood sprigs specially picked for the occasion. They were tightened up in a 10-inch high bunch and supplemented with strings of popcorn mixed with garlic cloves. A fresh apple was affixed on a stick in the middle of the sprigs. Thus the prepared “tree” decked out the center of one of the wedding loafs of bread intended for the best man.

Making of the Wedding Flag

On Friday, at 7:45 p.m., along with the best man’s tree, a special decorated wedding flag was prepared. It would be carried by the groom’s brother through the entire wedding day. Every person who would lead a line dance during the reception had to hold the banner in his hand. My father made a special trip outside the city to our family summer cottage garden in order to cut off and bring home an apple tree branch assigned to serve as the stick of the wedding banner, as the custom calls. An embroidered traditional towel made the flag, ivy leaves and strung popcorn decorated it, and one red fresh apple topped the stick point. The wedding flag was ready for the next morning.

Boutonnieres

On Friday, at 8 p.m., a contemporary addition to the wedding attire, boutonnieres could be purchased or ordered from bridal fashion house. However, my friend Stetka offered to hand make them on Friday evening at the Bachelors’s party. She combined white roses and tulle creating personal models for Jaap, his family, and my mother and father. For the rest of the guests my mom had ordered tiny beautiful commercial boutonnieres of white feathers and flowerets.

Shaving of the Groom

On Saturday, December 23, at 8:10 a.m., dressed in his burgundy silk, Jaap took the flask with the grape brandy and the cooked chicken with paprika, his brother got the wedding flag, and with four musicians (gaida, kaval, tapan, and a singer) the whole groom’s family went to the Best Man’s house in order to pick him up as the wedding guest of honor. After the traditional tune and welcome greetings, everybody watched Jaap’s brother Henk shaving Jaap. ‘Now when I am in your hands, you won’t touch my mustache, will you?’,-Jaap was negotiating. According to the old tradition, the shaving ceremony serves as an initiation rite of admittance of the bachelor groom to the married men’s society. Slow non-measured song and numerous jokes accompanied the ritual which peaked in the Best Man’s suggestion of finishing Jaap’s shaving with an old claw-hammer, which Henk did! Snacks and drinks were offered. The Best Man was up to his traditional counseling role to the “young” and “inexperienced” groom by constantly talking him into changing his mind and not getting married. Married, according to the knowledgeable Best Man, will have devastating effect on Jaap’s self-esteem and appearance. Jaap wouldn’t take his advice, so the Best Man and the Matron of Honor danced slow home style Racenica with Jaap and his parents. It was a very touching moment to see Jaap’s mother and father from Holland getting themselves involved into a centuries old Bulgarian dance following sacred family bonding tradition.

Picking up of the Best Man

On Saturday, 9:05 a.m. The Best Man accepted Jaap’s family gifts-chicken cooked with paprika and flask of brandy as a sign of respect and invitation to be the honored guest of the wedding. The musicians played Pravo Horo and lead the Best Man and Matron of Honor out of their home and to the cars which headed to my parent’s house to pick up the bride.

Welcoming of the Groom’s Family in the Bride’s Home

On Saturday, at 9:35. The musicians climbed up 8 stories while keep playing on order to bring Jaap, the Best Man and the rest of the meanwhile enlarged wedding crowd to my parents apartment. Some of the more contemporary minded guests took the elevator. My house was full of friends who wouldn’t let Jaap and his people into the house. The authentic tradition calls for “conquering” the bride’s house by negotiating, paying money and physical force. That’s exactly what happened among jokees and music!

The Best Man (knocks on the door): Good morning Master, come out, we want to see you!
The bride’s side negotiators: (no answer behind the closed door).
BM: Is there a Master there?
BSN: (The door sets ajar) There is, however he wants money!
BM: We will eventually reach an agreement. We haven’t said anything else yet! Let us see the Master!
BSN: What do you call him?
BM: We want to ask him: Do you have maid to give away?
Bride’s Father: We have, but she… is too young…
BM: We want a young one, we do not want an old one
BSN: But she is very expensive! Do you have (enough) money?
BM: One doesn’t go for a bride withour money!
BSN: Ah, well, I had to be sure! Because strange people have cropped up… They walk with no money…
BM: You’ll see! Why don’t you give us one of the bride’s shoes!
BSN: Only one?
BM: Only one! Bride is to be taken away gradually!
BSN: But I am warning you - the shoes is large, size 10!
BM: (Point out to Jaap) Look at the handsome boy we have brought to you!
BSN: (A hand sticks out from behind the door with a white shoe) The shoe is too large (and doesn’t fit the bride’s foot). Do you have money (in order to pad it with bank notes and make it fit)?
BM: We have money. Devere (Jaap’s brother), come here and take out of your pocket some money…(Jaap’s brother hands a small Bulgarian bank note in red color).
BSN: (Pulls away the shoe in disappointment, refusing to accept the money) A-a-ah, this color fell into disuse!
BM: Not quite right! If the bride’s cheeks are not this color it;s a bad sign (of illness)…(takes out few more Bulgarian bank notes and sticks them into the shoe).
BSN: (With disgust) But everything is a Bulgarian National Bank edition! Don’t you have other color? What country are you coming from?
BM: From a very remote one! (stuffs the shoe with Bulgarian Bank notes).
BSN: Give us color from there! Jaap: It’s a recession time there right now… (stuffs the shoe with Bulgarian bank notes).
BSN: The show is still too wide…
BM: Oh, since this shoe becomes so expensive… Jaap, give them the shoes we have brought for the bride (to wear for the nuptial)…(Jaap takes out shabby red slippers.
BSN: With these shoes our bride won’t go out! Jaap: But this is Nina’s favorite color!
BSN: the shoe still doesn’t fit…
BM: Jaap, give them some Dutch money! Jaap: I will, but there is a problem… The money is in the same (red) color… (puts into the shoe some red Dutch bank notes)
BSN: Now, that’s something else!
BM: (Invites with gestures the people around him to step forward and push the front door). (Everybody forces the door).
BSN: (People from within put up resistance but soon play “defeated” and let the groom’s people in).

Doing of the Bride’s Hair-do, Veiling, and Dressing

On Saturday, 9:50 a.m., I was in the bride’s room and was dressing, making my hair-style and head decoration. My closest girlfriends were with me in order to help me and to protect me in my last, room-size “fortress.” Stefka and her six-year-old son were there as well.

Jaap and the guests spend some time “looking” for the right room to knock on, but eventually “found” it. The door was forced and opened, but my “guards” wouldn’t let anybody in.